Love Shouldn't be This Hard
by CCougar42709
Summary: Freddie's journey with his love for Carly
1. Chapter 1

(A/N: Unfortunately, I don't own iCarly or any characters…. But I do own my thoughts and stories on here! This story starts back when the show first began. Hope you guys enjoy.)

Chapter 1

Hi, I'm Freddie Benson. Most of you guys know me as the technical producer of iCarly, the webshow that started a few months ago. But other than the show, I'm a normal 14 year old kid. Friends, Family, school, everyday stuff. All of that is easy to me. Just a bit of hard work, and the result is what you wanted, be it a new pearphone (First generation coming in two weeks!), straight A's or a bunch of loyal and loving friends.

However, it's not all roses and butterflies. Love is a different story. Most people my age just want a hot girlfriend, their not looking for someone to spend the rest of their life with. I'm not most people my age, but I haven't been looking for that girl, she found me completely by luck and providence.

It all started a few years ago when we were in the 3rd grade. I had just moved here from Silicon Valley in California after my dad died in a car wreck, and I was trying to fit in and make some friends. One things for sure, I did not like Seattle. Reason number one? Sam Puckett.

It was recess, and I had innocently been messing around on the swings. I was coming down, and next thing I knew BOOM! I was face down on the ground with blood running down the top of my forehead. My head hurt so much, I couldn't do anything, not even get up to go to the nurse. But someone gently picked me up and helped me to the nurses office. The moment I saw her I was falling for her. Her face was so happy, hair perfect and concerned about me. She stayed with me while they took Sam to the office and called my mom. When my mom came, I didn't want to go, but my head said otherwise.

A few days later I was taking out the trash behind our building. That's when I saw the girl again. She was helping a older guy put a block of Styrofoam onto the elevator. I walked by quietly, hoping she didn't notice me. I heard her say something quickly to the guy and start walking towards me. I heaved the trash into the dumpster and turned around.

She stood there, hands on her hips, prettier than ever. She looked me up and down, smiling slightly at the bandage on top of my head.

"Hi, I'm Carly. You must be the Freddie boy that Sam hurt the other day." She said happily.

"Uh… I'm Freddie." I said, nervous out of my mind.

We made small talk for a bit while walking back up the stairs. I was wondering how I had gotten so lucky when she snapped her fingers in front of me.

"Hello? Anyone home?" She said.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I asked, determined not to miss a word she said.

"I asked which one do you live in."

" 8-D." I replied.

Her face was overtaken by a smile and said "Cool! I'm right across the hall! See around Freddie!" as she stepped inside her house.

That was the beginning of my journey with her. I quickly found out that I liked her a lot more than other girls and tried to be friends with her. Sam didn't like me and kept me at arms length through her punches and wedgies. Sensing that I was losing her I messed any hopes of us being normal friends up. I asked her out.

She quickly turned me down, so horrified with the thought of going out with me that she didn't hesitate from just running for her life after hearing my question. I got teased, a lot. Other girls slipped notes into my backpack. "Lover boy, give up. Nobody will ever love you!" stuff like that. I just kept quiet as Carly purposely avoided me day after day for a long time.

During all this I discovered my second love, computers. I was just in fifth grade when I knew how to program, fix and work a computer better than anyone I knew. I typed 45 words a minute with my tiny hands and I got in trouble countless time for staying awake past my bedtime because I was on the computer.

Late in middle school Carly and I spoke occasionally, only because we had keyboarding and the teacher put us in seats across from each other. Then iCarly got going and things have been ok, just trying not to lose Carly again.


	2. Frustration

Chapter 2

"It must be awful to love somebody who doesn't love you back." She said, looking in the distance towards the retreating Gibby.I didn't dare say anything, I just moved my eyes to look at her.

She quickly picked up on my message. "Don't start."

"Sorry." Was her apology. At least she sounded regretful, but said it really fast.

That was 3 weeks ago. Since then iCarly has been done via webcam because Carly, Spencer and Sam decided to go down to Southern California to see Colonial Morgan, Carly's father and some other close family members. I have been filling my time by getting a car, reading up on how to fix my iPhone (stupid first gen bugs) and going to the gym.

Shocking huh, Fredward Benson, going to the gym. Well, let me explain. It goes back to what Carly said.

It infuriated me. I just know her too well to see that she didn't 100% of her "Sorry". What's worse, it has been running on a loop in my mind. But that loop has driven me to start acting on something else I heard on the last day of school in the locker room after gym.

"Freddie Benson is small in every way. If he ever goes to the gym, things will start to change for him."

I don't know who it was, but they motivated me to start reinventing the way I looked and to step out of the "momma's boy" look. So the second thing I did after getting my car was get to 48 Hour Fitness and get the summer membership. What was first? Groovy smoothie, priorities people.

Believe it or not my mom's crazy diet is perfect for working out. I started lifting 65 lbs, but now am at 115 lbs. The results are surprising. I saw Wendy in Ty's Electronics and she didn't really think it was me.

Good thing is, Carly and Sam are coming back today. We haven't texted or talked since last Thursday, which is our iCarly day.

I head over to the studio to mess around on the site, look at some viewer emails, just kinda hang out until they get back.

A couple of hours, 2 tweets, and too many emails to count I hear the door downstairs shut and happy chatter float up.

I'm so happy that my frustration and vitriol about them leaving me twist in the wind for 3 entire weeks seemingly evaporated.

Carly and Sam both walked in, peppy cola in hand, smiling and talking excitedly. Both girls got a bit of a tan, and the look works for them.

They continue talking to each other for about 5 minutes. My annoyance is starting to rise rapidly. Finally Sam out of all people says hi. Well, kind of.

"How's things been nub? Boring without carly here?" She teased. I brushed her off.

"Who cares" Carly said, looking at me. "You have to hear about what happened."

"Ok." I say, leaning against my cart.

"Well, Sam and I were trying Sand volleyball, and a really cute guy came up. His name was Cory, and—" She continued to talk, but I tuned her out. I really don't want to hear about her new flame. She seems hellbent on torturing me until I give up or die, whichever comes first.

"His biceps were HUGE, and he was so muscular wasn't he Sam?" Carly rambled on.

"Can't say cupcake, you always had your hands on him." Sam said, gazing at me for my reaction. I remained focused on Carly, who was looking for something on her phone.

She shoved her phone right in my face, about 2 inches from my nose. "That's him, isn't he so hot? I would bake cookies on him."

_Ok, I've had enough._

I reach into my pocket, pressing a button to sound like I'm getting called if I needed to eescape another situation like this.

I grab my phone, quickly engaging into a fake conversation, while Carly looked completely nonplussed or oblivious.

I walk out of the studio, Sam and Carly resuming their conversation about Cory.I put away my phone and sighed deeply.

"Freddo!" Spencer yelled as soon as I reached the bottom of the stairs, smothering me in a hug.

"Hey Spence." I said, smiling. He had a bit of a tan also.

"Whoa. Where did the muscle come from?" He asked, evidently surprised.

I turned towards the door. "Let me count the ways…"


	3. Waiting and working

(A/N: This chapter jumps to after Season 3 & 4, after iOMG and starts with the gang's senior year. I watched a lot of those episodes and basically thought that I couldn't say anything interesting about Freddie's dilemma and decided to push on. Hope you enjoy!)

Chapter 3

_Sam- Are we having rehearsal tonight?_

The message flashed on my phone as I furiously typed away trying to complete a paper I had to finish by 10 in order to get credit.

_IDK, let me text Gib._ I responded, shooting off a text to Gibby asking if she was working tonight, they worked at the same place, Fisherman's Moor. It's a restaurant that serves local fish along with steak and high quality food from out of state. Carly was hostess, and Gibby cooks.

I returned my attention to the computer, but I relived the past few weeks since summer ended that has been full of surprises.

First off, Sam and Carly both have jobs now. Sam works at a high priced clothing store. When she first announced that she got the job I didn't believe her, then she dragged me along one night when she closed. She showed a Melanie-ish side to her that I never see. She is making a ton of money, and she is being considered for a promotion.

Carly, as I mentioned, is at Fisherman's Moor. The atmosphere is completely different, despite the similar clientele to Sam's job. They expect perfection, and when she makes the tiniest mistake they ream her for it. She just swallows her pride and takes it. Carls only makes minimum wage, which she refused to tell me until she left her paycheck on the counter in the kitchen. I told her that her skills were more valuable and she could find a better job and conditions easily. She just refused, saying she's lucky to have a job in these times and has toughed it out ever since.

_She's working, doing wonderfully. I'll say hello for you and Sam.-Gibby_

His text brought a smile to my face, which has become increasingly rare. Home life hasn't been so nice either. I hate to bring up something so gloomy and terrible, but my mom is letting me have more freedom. You're probably thinking, "That's good, what are you talking about?" Well, here's why. My mom found out she has stage 4 cancer. The gist is that she only has 8 months max, and is trying to stretch that so she can help me start college. Chemotherapy and radiation has taken a horrible toll, and she doesn't go out much anymore. I've been doing a lot of projects to get some more money in, but not too much since my mom can still work. Nobody outside of my family knows, not even Carly, Sam and Spence.

One aspect on the back burner is Carly and I. Partially because I never see her except iCarly nights, which are reduced, more on that later. Carly is dating a guy named Kyle. He's a basketball player at a school in our district, Fairfield. They have been going out for 3-4 moths now, I can't remember how long exactly. But between Kyle, work, school, family and iCarly, she doesn't have a moment to breathe, so I haven't had anything more than a 3 minute conversation with her since Kyle came into the picture.

Now, iCarly, which is how all this got started. Due to everyone's work schedules, school ramping up and the fact that there isn't enough hours in the day, rehearsal rarely happens anymore, Carly and Sam usually text each other the material during breaks and I film. The quality hasn't declined, just less time spent on it.

_She's working._ I told Sam.

Finally my paper's done. I send it to and breathe a sigh of relief. 9:45.

_Sam -Ok, see you 2morrw_

I lean back in my chair, taking a rare break. Glancing in the mirror, I can see how all this has weighed on me. It's a wonder nobody has caught on. Bags under the eyes, fewer smiles, must be because I never get out anymore.

"Hey, you got a second sweetie?" My mom said, balancing herself in my doorway. I offer her my bad, which she lied back on.

"What's up?" I ask.

"Thanks for cooking. It was delicious." She smiled, squeezing my hand.

"No prob, wasn't that hard."

"You have grown up so fast….can't thank you enough. I'm so proud of you." She said, still holding my hand. My family has said similar things, but it's not that much. Just getting groceries in her Prius, cooking some, a few sleepless nights doing medical research for mom since she doesn't have the energy herself and picking up the slack on the household chores.

The funny thing in all the recent times is that college has been the easiest part of all this. I got accepted into the University of Washington, and I applied for several schools at various places, but I'm definitely be staying home to help mom out. Carly and Sam haven't told me their choices, they want a dramatic unveiling in February.

A few tears seep out of my eyes. "Don't talk like that mom, please?" I ask.

"Ok sweetie, just wanted to tell you that, you never get any personal time these days. Everyone needs to get a boost." She finished, getting up and heading towards my door. I stand up too.

"Thanks mom." I say, pulling her into a hug. I feel some tears come down on my shirt. I can't imagine what this is like for her. Dad not being here, she always said that your senior year of high school is the best of your life and here she is, with terminal cancer and your only son can't enjoy his only senior year. Cannot imagine what it's like for her, and that's not even mentioning the treatments.

She walked off, waving goodnight as I sat back down in my chair. Clock says 10:15. I haven't gone to bed before midnight in weeks. I contemplate just forgetting everything and getting a decent night's sleep when I remember. The local sports radio station wants a video compilation of the year tomorrow, it's almost done, just trimming and fine tuning, but a 3 hour job none the less.

Back to work. I glance at my phone, scrolling though my contacts. I stop on Carly. Haven't texted her in weeks. Actually it's more like she doesn't respond to my texts. I know she texts because of iCarly every week. A month ago we "spoke" few 5 minutes, basically a generic conversation, nothing interesting. But no response and I gave up 3 weeks ago. Too hard to send a text out and wait for even a rushed response. Still waiting by the way.


	4. Conversations

Chapter 4

Sam walked through the elevator doors, smiling widely.

"Finally! Some time to just have fun!" She exclaimed.

"I agree, this semester was brutal." I said.

"Agreed. Ready Freddie?" Carly asked, also smiling.

"Yeah, show in 2 minutes." I said. They started dancing around as I lost myself in thought.

I know it's really wrong to still like a girl that has a boyfriend, but I do. I try to accept it and move on, keep waiting for something that may never happen. Probably won't either. It's easiest when I don't see Carly much. I can almost feel at peace with what's going on, until the next iCarly when I see her again, she is herself and boom! I fall for her yet again.

"In 5..4..3..2.." I said, pointing at them. They started the show with one of their odd introductions, then led to Messin with Lewbert. I found my self oddly detached, just enjoying the show for once. The jokes were hilarious.

I'm trying to let her go, I really am. But on night like tonight, where she is just Carly, she becomes the girl I can't seem to get over.

"And that's it for this iCarly!" Carly said.

"Cook some Ham." Sam said.

"Hug your mom." Carly replied.

"Thank your refrigerator." Sam smiled.

"SAM!" Carly frowned.

"We're clear!" I said. "Good show."

"Thanks Fredwina, now Mom promised some smoked Ham at home, so you know where I'll be…" Sam said, retreating out the door.

I began cleaning off the roof of the car, that had gotten the remnants of some Jell-o Sam threw at some point in the show.

I cleaned for about five minutes, only to be stopped when a hand touched my back. I turn to find Carly with a small smile.

"Hey!" I said, pulling her into a hug.

"Hey yourself." She said, hugging me tightly.

"How are you?"

"I'm good." She said, brushing some hair out of her eyes.

"Work good too?" I asked.

"Yeah, you know, same basically." She said.

"Missed you." I said, smiling.

"You too."

"Things good with Kyle?" I asked, trying to mask my real emotions.

"Oh yeah, he's perfect."

_Ouch_

I started moving stuff back onto my cart, and she grabbed the water bottles used by Sam and herself before the show.

"You hanging around?" I asked, hoping for just a conversation over some tea or something. Nothing too big, that's impossible now.

"No, going out with Kyle. Sorry." She said, with a sad look on her face. I looked back to the studio, turning back to see the sad look quickly erased.

We walked downstairs in silence.

"See you around girl. Text if you need me." I said, pulling her into another hug.

"I will." She said, reaching for her purse.

I walked out of the house and into mine, straight to my room. I sat down to check my phone.

_Mom- Hey Freddie, I can't cook tonight, too tired. I'm probably asleep now, so can you go ahead and buy yourself dinner and get some groceries? I'll reimburse your credit card. Love-Mom_

That's the easiest way to bring a smile to my face. She tries so hard to keep our heads above water that sometimes she simply can't do anything else. I've found her in bed, asleep with her phone with a text message to me halfway through. She's that tired sometimes.

I grab a jacket, my wallet and the keys to Mom's Prius. Before I head out I text Carly.

_Nice seeing you tonight_

Almost forgot, I walked into my mom's room. Sure enough, she's out cold. I grab her water thermos to refill it. She needs lots of hydration and I hate for her to have lukewarm water at 1 in the morning.

After switching out warm water for ice cold, some with chunks of Ice still inside I head out. It's drizzling lightly, but a nice night overall. I drive downtown to a favorite restaurant of mine that Gibby showed me after Kyle and Carly got together. I walk inside, and immediately am ushered to my favorite table by the hostess, Tiffani, a friend of mine that goes to SCC.

My mind wanders after I order. Seems like after every show I end up in this similar situation. All I think about is Carly, Carly, Carly.

Suddenly Tiffani sits across from me.

"I'm glad you walked in just now, I was needing a break." She smiled.

"Glad I can help, you doing good?" I asked, returning her smile.

"I am, work sucks but you know how that goes." She said, fiddling with a iced tea she brought along with my Peppy Cola.

"Did you guys do the show tonight?"

"Yeah, it was pretty solid." I said.

Tiffani isn't the normal girl I typically hang out with. She's kinda in the Sam mold. Didn't like school much, enjoys things girls don't usually like. She has a few extra piercings in her ears, but she declined to display her colorful jewelry. Also she has 2 tattoos.

One on her wrist says "Love" and one on her shoulder says "Strength". Neither are noticeable usually, but my mom would still flip if she knew, but nobody knows that I know her. Never mentioned her to anyone. If I did, they might assume we're going out, since we seem to find ourselves together most weekends. She's a very pretty brunette and for some unknown reason single.

(A/N: Victoria Justice to give you guys an idea. Btw, IDK why the recurring characters seems to look like nick stars. I just put together what they're like on the inside, and someone from nick fills the need.)

"You talk to Carly tonight?" Tiffani asked.

"Yeah, nothing much again." I told her. She knows a lot of my thinking on Carly, I usually talk to her when I'm most confused about us.

"Shame. Have you seen her anymore recently?" She questioned.

"No." I answered glumly.

"Hey, chin up kid. There's still time isn't there?" She reasoned.

"Yeah, It's just December." My spirits went up just a little bit.

A waiter came by and delivered my nachos with chips and queso. Tiffani's eyes widened for just a second.

_She must be hungry. _

"Help yourself." I told her, grabbing some salsa to add to the nachos.

We both tucked into the delicious food.

" Enough about me. What's been going on with you?" I said, interrupting our silence. The nachos were almost gone.

"Same old stuff, just school and here." She shrugged.

"How's school?" I asked. Her mom, like Sam's didn't put much stock into school but I managed to talk her into it.

"Good, I can't believe I'm kind of liking College Algebra." She shook her head.

I laughed. "Grades good?" I pressed. Last grading period she said the same thing then had 2 C's and a D.

"Let me go get the card." She groaned, but smiling none the less.

I kept eating as she went to go get it. Her coworker came by to give me my bill.

"Man, you know how to make her smile. She was very grumpy before you got here, and now she's almost skipping." He said, clapping me on the back.

"I'm back." She said, handing me a folded piece of paper.

All A's and B's. Wonderful.

"I told you that you could do it." I said, grabbing for my wallet and pushing away the nachos in the same motion in order to disguise it.

"Thanks to you." She smiled shyly, looking down. I had helped her a week ago with a Physics test that she felt unprepared for.

I stood to go, as she did the same. I pulled her into a hug.

"Your crushing me." She managed to breathe out, but she didn't let go.

"I'm available if you need me." I whispered into her ear.

"Ok." She whispered back.

I kissed her hair. It smelled like a fruity shampoo.

"Text if you feel like it. Always makes my day." She said so quietly I barely heard her.

I smiled as she walked back to her station up front. I walked back towards the bathroom but made a quick turn towards the kitchen.

The waiter that had complimented me on cheering Tiff up saw me near the kitchen. I signaled for him to come over to me.

"Where's her purse? I owe her." I told him. He pointed towards a back room that had backpacks, phones and purses. I spotted hers and put a $50 dollar bill and a note inside and walked out.

The rest of the night went pretty normally. I drove back home, got the groceries and put them away. Mom evidently got up and had something to eat, but forgot to put her dishes up. Small complaint that isn't worth the pain if I bring it up, so I put them away and start the dishwasher.

When I finally went to sleep, ready for the beginning of spring break, I thought of one thing. _ What if Sam was like Tiffani? Would I be in the same situation? Would we be getting along?_

That question swirled in my mind as I quickly succumbed to sleep.


	5. Coming apart

Chapter 5

So I have a week and two days left of school since I am exempting all of my finals. You would think life is good right? Wrong. Why am I so down when I've been fighting to get here for years? You guessed it, Carly Shay.

Last Thursday was the last iCarly ever. It was brutal, everyone was crying, we did an hour and a half special full of hilarious stuff that rivaled some of our best material ever. But like all good things, and iCarly was the best thing that ever happened to me, it had to end. First, Gibby and Spencer came on, telling the viewers how special they are and how they changed Carly, Sam and I even though we had never met most of them. Then I came on, and said similar stuff, mentioned how much they have helped me, and how I wish I could continue iCarly. Then the girls came on, thanked them and when they was crying, I signed us off for good.

After the show we all hung out afterward, still very emotional. We all took a lot of pictures and I talked to everyone a lot. But eventually, like it seems to happen, it was just me and Carly. I hugged her, saying how much I care about her, and how she did something amazing with the show. She didn't say much of anything, just that we need to hang out before graduation. I mentioned jokingly that we might want to schedule that for graduation, and then took some pics together. She promised to upload them to Facebook soon and I went home, still very much in love with her.

But she hasn't uploaded the pictures. It's kinda become a microcosm of the last semester. I ask her to do me a small favor and she doesn't follow through. I still love her to pieces, but I can't trust her absolutely, and that's the main reason I'm miserable.

Anyway, it's Saturday, and I'm walking to Tiffani's apartment. We haven't seen each other in forever and her phone broke so I haven't heard from her in months. I don't think she'll mind if I just drop by really quick.

"Knock, Knock."

_Boy am I nervous…better work out!_

The door opened to Tiffani in shorts and a t-shirt. That's all I could do before she was hugging me happily.

"Freddie! I missed you so much!" She said very loudly.

"I missed you too." I simply said.

"Come on in! I just finished cleaning." She said, dragging me inside. The carpet was indeed freshly vacuumed and everything had the smell of light air freshener.

"Sit! We haven't talked in so long! You want something to drink?" She asked in a rush.

"Sure."

She came back in the room shortly after with two drinks in her hands. Hers looked like a screwdriver, so I was apprehensive about mine.

"You better not of put any alcohol in my drink." I said darkly.

"I didn't!" She said emphatically. "You're a minor, and I think too much of you to do that." She finished, smiling.

"Good, I have to drive back home." I said, then winked at her. She slightly smiled.

"So what's up? Tell me about your last semester of high school." She asked.

"My grades are good. I don't want to lose my friends and we already finished the show…" I said, drifting off.

"Why can't you continue iCarly?" She asked.

"I'm going to Washington, Carly is going to Washington State and Sam is going to Yakima Valley Community College." I told her.

"Why aren't you guys going to school together?"

"We decided back in September that we would go to the best school for us, not just to stick together."

"That's a smart decision. So how are you and Carly? She still going out with the basketball player?" Tiffani quizzed.

"Yeah, just as strong as ever." I said flatly.

"What's up between you two now?" She said, cutting to the chase. I dutifully explained what had been going on.

"Sounds like she's distancing herself from you ever since you guys figured out where you were going to college."

"Yeah." I said, as she took my glass and got me another glass of Apple juice. I know, kinda weird, but I'm in a weird mood.

"I like your place." I said when she came back in the room.

"Thanks, it's not much, but it's home." She said, looking out the window.

"How did school finish?" I asked. Her response was to grab a paper that was her now familiar report card. All A's and B's for the year.

"I'm so proud of you." I said, standing to hug her.

"Couldn't of done it without you." She said, head resting on my shoulder.

I put my glass down on the coffee table. "Well, I better get going, I don't want to hold you up from any future plans…" I said, drifting towards the door although I don't want to go.

"NO! You can stay here if you want to. I am just hanging out here for today." She said quickly, grabbing my arm.

I walk back to her, gently removing her hand off my arm." Then I stay." I smiled, and she did too.

We talked about random stuff for hours. She started talking a little weird after her 4th drink so I coaxed her back to her room.

"No, stay….I want to talk to you more!" She exclaimed.

"Ok…if you insist." I teased. I planned on hanging around until she fell asleep then leaving a note thanking her with my phone number.

We joked around for about five minutes then somehow ended up in a pillow fight. After about 10 minutes of this, I turned to her.

"I feel kinda funny, you hit me really hard that last time." I said, laying back on a pillow.

"Sorry." she said, laying her head on my shoulder.

The world started spinning as I suddenly thought of what she had done.

"Tiffani….you didn't. Did you?" I asked, as she started smirking.

"Yes, you need to get out of your head." She smiled, her voice dimming out.

Next thing I knew, she was fiddling with my hair as the clock said 4:28.

"I never knew you liked my hair this much." I said quietly.

"I didn't either…I just started playing with it and it's so soft." She explained.

"You spiked my drink didn't you?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yep, it took more than I thought, but you do need to relax." She insisted.

"Well, what now?" I asked.

"You can't drive home, that's for sure." She said, smiling.

"Yeah, yeah." I said, lightly hitting her arm.

We both silently thought over our options.

_That's perfect!_

I pull my phone out of my pocket.

"What are you doing?" Tiffani asked. I put my finger over my lips and she stopped talking.

_Dial tone…._

"Hello?" A familiar voice said.

"Gibby!" I exclaimed, causing Tiffani to fall of the bed.

"Freddie! What's up?" He asked.

"Well, I'm kinda in a jam." I explained.

"You're not in jail are you?" He quickly asked.

"No, I'm not in jail." I smiled. "I need you to pretend I'm staying over at your house tonight."

"Why?"

"My mom's going to call whoever I say I'm "staying" with to make sure I'm there. You say I'm there, but am helping your mom or something and I'm in the clear." I explained.

"Ok, but you didn't answer my question." He insisted.

"I'm over at a friend's house and passed out."

"Alcohol?"

"Yep."

"I didn't know you drank." He said matter of factly.

"I don't. She spiked my drink." I said, smiling at Tiffani, who just reentered the room with two very fruity beverages.

"She?" He yelled.

"Yes, she. Now do you have my back or not?"

"Yeah, I gotcha bro, now about this girl—"He started, before I hung up on him. I immediately called my mom, who said that I needed to have fun more, and to be safe. I promised her and hung up.

"Smooth." Tiffani said, lying back on her bed.

She was facing me, giving me a, um… how do you say this tastefully…. Nice visual. My eyes wanted to just stare, but I looked away.

"Thanks" I said.

"Who knew you, the consummate good boy could be so bad?" She joked, messing up my hair.

I smiled. "That for me?" I asked, pointing towards the drink she brought in a few minutes earlier.

"Yeah…you don't mind do you? I know you mentioned that you didn't want to drink…" She trailed off.

I grabbed the drink, and said "That's only because I had to drive home.

The next few hours went by very eventfully. I found out that she had to get 4 restraining orders against guys that were in her classes because they creeped her out. I also found out that everything is funnier with alcohol, but don't broadcast it.

We fell asleep soon afterwards, but when I woke up, Tiffani was gone. I however had the remnants of what felt like a kiss on my lips and cheek. I checked my phone.

_Tiffani- Freddie, sorry to leave you when you were sleeping, you were too cute to wake up though. My boss said he wanted me to come in to talk to me about a promotion! Yay! I'll be back about 7, so what do you say to dinner and back to my place? Xxx Tiffani_

Sounds like a plan.


	6. Sterilized Anger

Chapter 6

_Freddie, it's Jan from the hospital. Your mom came into the ER today 45 min b4 her shift, in a room now, not good. Get here ASAP._

I immediately stood up and walked out of class. Mrs. Briggs was screaming about blatant disrespect. I headed straight for Principal Franklin's office.

The moment I entered his office his head shot up. He saw the look on my face. He stood up. "No…." They had known each other since they attended high school together themselves.

"She's not gone yet, but I have to leave now." I explained.

He practically shoved me out the door. "Go, we'll figure out absences and stuff later."

I got in my car and drove like a maniac to Seattle Grace. The staff recognized me and told me where to go, skipping all the security and hassles. Since the text got to me it's been 10 minutes, and in these situations mom has always said time is of the essence.

I sprint to her room, pausing to calmly open the door. My mom was propped up in bed, reading a book by Stephen King. She looked up to see me walking briskly towards her.

"Freddie…I felt terrible for too long so I came here." She explained.

"Mom, maybe it isn't such a good idea for you to be reading Stephen King then." I chuckled, grabbing a bedside chair.

She grabbed her phone, which was on a swivel next to her bed. She glanced at the time, 11:27.

"Briggs must have been furious." She smiled.

"She screamed something about blatant disrespect." I said, trying to remember more, to no avail. We talked for about an hour about what she knew and our options.

Soon, a army of doctors seemed to come by. I went to the cafeteria to grab a bite to eat. After finishing I see a redhead familiar to me.

I tapped her on the shoulder. "Thanks Jan." I said, moving to hug her.

"Oh sweetie!" She said, grabbing me into that hug. "It's just so terrible."

"Yeah…well we've got to keep pushing." I said. My phone vibrated. I'm ignoring it for now.

"You been back home?" She asked.

"No, but—" I started.

"They are going to be busy with her for about 45 minutes, and with your knack for getting somewhere fast you can probably get home and be waiting for awhile." She said, smiling at the very end.

"Yes ma'am." I bowed, then walked away.

"Be safe!" I heard her say. I raised my hand to acknowledge that I heard her.

_Mom, going home to grab you some healthy reading material and some stuff for me, be back in 30 min max_

I got home, and immediately noticed something different. The gravity of the situation hit me. I quickly grabbed some stuff, including clothes for her when she got out. I check the time while in the elevator heading to the parking lot. 2:40 exactly.

The last turn before it's a straight shot to Mercy is a left turn right by school. I manage to be the first in line for the next light. I peer around, trying to keep calm, feeling terrible that I've been gone so long. Left turn, music quiet until I turn in. it's a two way street. As I turn in, I see Carly in her Ford Focus coming at me, I speed up and get out of view.

Once in the elevator, I remember to check my phone, which vibrated a eternity ago it seemed.

_No time, ya, ya ,boring…Spencer,CRAP_

_Freddie, I saw your mom's car gone early, everything alright?-Spence _

I walk out of the elevator, and go straight to mom's room.

"Sorry I was gone so long. Lights cycled from Aurora to Grace." I explained, as she patiently looked on.

"Freddie…we figured out what's wrong." She said bluntly. She quickly filled me in. Surgery, 6-8 weeks recovery. Not an easy surgery. Things could go wrong.

"Well, that's about it…oh yeah, you know the plan if I'm in too much pain right?" She said. I knew it too well. The first time we discussed it the night of the original diagnosis I didn't sleep at the possibility. She didn't like leaving it to me alone, but I am her only child.

"Mom, I think it's time to tell Spencer." I said.

"I agree." She said. I stood up, squeezed her hand as I kissed her forehead.

I pulled out my phone and stepped outside. I dialed Spencer.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Spence, it's Freddie." I said.

"What's up man, why didn't you respond to my text?" He asked.

"I'll explain, how fast can you get to Galini's?"

"5 minutes. Why?"

"I'll explain when I see you, just leave now please."

"Got it." He said quietly.

10 minutes later I spot his lanky frame coming towards me.

"What's wrong." He said, face showing concern.

"First off, I want to apologize for not telling you sooner, but mom and I wanted a normal school year." 

"Ok, gotcha, now what's up."

I explained the whole thing. He didn't interrupt once.

"…and now she's having to have surgery." I finished.

He took a second to register the amazing amount I had withheld.

"Freddie, I'm so sorry man. I wish you would of told me, but I understand."

I just stood in silence, there isn't really a defense for what I did.

"What do I tell Carly?" He asked.

"The truth, you know she's going to want to come to Mercy."

"She's at Mercy?"

"Yeah. Room 1229." I replied.

He pulled me into a loving hug. "I'm here for you man, anything you need." He said quietly, then headed back to where he parked.

I drove back to mom. Once I got there, I talked over what to say, that kind of thing. She said something that struck me.

"Freddie, ever since you broke up with Carly, I knew you could handle any situation."

I didn't even know she knew about how we broke up. Where does she get her information?

I perched myself by the balcony opposite the room looking cattycorner at the activity of the hospital. Things were quiet for now, except for me giving the nurse on duty Spencer's name and said he and his party had immediate access.

Within 5 minutes, I saw Carly and Sam, followed by Spencer coming quickly. They didn't see me, they went straight in.

I walked to the vending machines by the cafeteria, buying a large peppy cola.

I hear quiet footsteps.

"Freddie…" Carly said, sounding heartbroken.

"Hey Carls." I said, looking out the window.

"Look at me, please?" It wasn't a demand, it was a request.

I turned to see a demoralized person, who didn't know what to say. She opened her mouth twice, but nothing came out.

Finally, "How are you holding up?"

"I'm ok. You don't look good." I said.

"Yeah, my friend's mom has terminal cancer and is in the hospital! Everything's great!" She exclaimed.

_Only a friend? Figures._

"It really isn't that bad." I told her, as flashbacks of saying the same sentence repeatedly to family members came to my mind

"What do you mean?" She looked puzzled.

"I've managed for the entire year, this isn't good but we'll get through it." I said calmly.

She started dragging me towards mom's room again. When I got to the door way, Sam looked at me with very sad eyes.

Suddenly, a team of doctors were at the door. We all fled the room to give them their space.

All I could think about was that I had 3 friends that weren't happy with me.


	7. Meeting

Chapter 7

_I don't want to do this stupid homework…why does she want us to do this stupid review just to exempt?_

I lean back in my desk chair, letting my eyes leave the screen for the first time in hours. I hear a knock at the door. I open the door.

"You busy?" Tiffani asked, smiling happily. Seeing her reminded me how I need to break the news to her too.

"Nah, I need to talk to you." I smiled, as I opened the door.

"Man, you are such a nerd." She said the moment she walked into my room.

"Easy now…" I said, resuming my place in the desk chair, but facing Tiffani.

"So what's up?" She asked.

I sighed deeply, and explained what has been going on behind the scenes. When I finished she looked unhappy.

"You said this has been going on all year?" She asked.

"Yeah."

She leaned back onto my bed, and groaned. "I like whatever you sprayed on your comforter."

I laughed, "Thanks?"

"Then you were lying when you said that your senior year was going great?"

"Yeah." I said, looking down.

"How has it been in reality?" She asked, looking at the ceiling.

"Miserable, really."

"I don't understand how you're still sane considering your mom, crazy family and Carly. Suddenly she seems to me to be a liability." She said darkly.

"But your not in love with her." I replied.

"Does your mom know about me?" She asked.

"No, you know how paranoid she is." I smiled, thinking ironically I'd love to deal with her paranoid-ness right now.

"You think I could meet her?" She asked.

"Sure, if you want to."

"Freddie—" Spencer suddenly walked in to find me still in my desk chair, but a college aged girl in shorts and a tank top with her stomach exposed partially on my bed.

"What the hell?" he quickly asked, as Tiffani shot up.

"It's ok Spencer." I said, getting up to introduce the two of them.

"You are?" He quizzed Tiffani.

"Tiffani, so you're Spencer huh?" She smiled.

"Yeah, Freddie how—?" He started, but couldn't seem to finish his question.

"I met her a while back."

"She's not your normal kind of girl." He said, glancing at the tattoo on her wrist.

"So?" I challenged. Tiffani laughed behind me.

"Anyway, I was going to invite you over man, you need a break from the review." Spencer said.

"Thanks, how'd you find out?" I asked, standing up.

"Carly has the same class. You are welcome to come over too. Any friend of Freddie's is welcome at my house." He smiled reassuringly at Tiffani.

We walked over to Spencer's. "Does she know…" Spencer began, glancing at Tiffani.

"Just told her." I said, walking through the door, Spencer and Tiffani behind me.

"Hey Fredward, how's—WHO"S SHE?" Sam exclaimed.

Carly, who was just coming down the stairs, suddenly looked at Sam, then to Spencer, Tiffani and I, and her jaw dropped.

"Spencer, you didn't mention having a girlfriend." Carly said matter of factly.

"I—OH! Umm…." He said.

"They're not going out." I said, motioning towards Tiffani.

"Then why is she here? You can't possibly know her, she's too pretty." Sam said bluntly.

"That's Sam." I said, turning to face Tiffani.

"So you aren't exaggerating her personality? Wow." She said, shocked.

"She's not my girlfriend.' Spencer finally managed to say.

"I'm a friend of Freddie's." Tiffani said.

I walked over to the refrigerator and got out the iced tea Carly always has ready. I poured everyone some, as Carly and Sam looked Tiffani up and down.

Tiffani looked slightly amused at their obvious inspection, but frowned slightly whenever Carly walked by.

"So you know Freddie?" Carly asked finally.

"Yep." She simply replied.

"What other secrets are you hiding?" Sam asked seriously.

"Other than my alter ego as a crime fighter?" I joked, as Spencer and Tiffani laughed. Sam and Carly were hardly swayed.

"Loosen up guys, she's only a girl." I said, trying to ease the tension in the room.

Carly was frowning slightly. "She looks older." Her eyes narrowed.

"Let me guess…19?" Spencer asked.

"No comment." Tiffani said nonchalantly. "Do you guys shoot iCarly upstairs?"

"Yeah, you watch the show?" Sam asked, surprised.

"Sure do, it's hilarious." She said, glancing at me as she put her glass back on the island.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Carly's eyes widen when she saw Tiffani's tattoo on her wrist. Her eyes then shot to me, with a clear message. "Who is she?"

"Hey, ready to go?" I asked Tiffani, hoping she'd catch my drift.

"Yeah, let's go. Nice meeting you guys." Tiffani said, walking towards the door. She grabbed my hand as we walked out.

We both burst out into laughter when we got out of earshot of the door.

"They HATE me!" She said.

"They think you're a threat." I explained.

"Why? Carly has a boyfriend and Sam hates you." She reasoned.

"They feel at ease knowing I'm free whenever." I explained.

"They can't complain, they haven't been very reliable. Especially Carly."

"You don't like her do you?" I asked seriously.

"Who, Carly?" She replied.

"Yeah."

"Well…I admit I'm kinda….protective of your heart." She said, blushing furiously.

"Aww, thanks." I said, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

She looked up at me, smiling.

"Where are we going anyway?"


	8. Choices

I definitely think too much. Why the random declaration? With Carly and I slowly separating I have been doing a lot of thinking. Too much, hence the declaration.

When we first started to drift apart, the text messages were the first sign. I remember when it started too. Mr. Howard, who seems to love torturing us had given us some extra homework that day. I saved the text too. I sent out. _Hey are you doing the hw 4 Howard?_ My phone says I sent that at 4:24 P.M. Seems like I sent it in the middle of a thunderstorm though. 20 minutes passed and I started getting antsy. Thoughts starting to bounce around in my head. _Is everything alright? I hope I'm not interrupting anything._ An hour. Now I started thinking that she might be avoiding me. She had been a little distant the last few days, making herself scarce where I normally see her in the halls on a daily basis. After 4 hours I texted Spencer, and he said she was working. At the time I had no idea she was working or where. Gibby told me where she worked, and that she had been working there for a while by the time I had gotten to ask. I'm sure it made me look out of touch, but she was the one drifting away, not me.

Then Kyle popped onto the scene. And by popped, I mean it seems like he came out of nowhere. It was 2-3 weeks after the texts never came back. I was driving back from the grocery store. I decided on an impulse to buy a slice of Galini's. Then walking out, after even more impulsively buying 3 entire pies, two for my mom and I, one for Spencer I saw them. Holding hands at first, then kissing happily. I watched from a distance. You guys basically know the story from here, just other meaningless details.

_Buzz,Buzz,Buzz._ My phone snaps me out of my reverie. 1 new message.

_Picture frame- Jan_

Crap, this is not good. Mom's surgery was yesterday, and she had a bit of a complication. Spencer demanded he be kept up to date. In seemly one motion I snatch up the car keys, my phone and my backpack. I stride over to Spencer's.

Bang Bang Bang!

"Spencer! Coming in!" I yelled as I opened the door.

Carly and Kyle sprang apart suddenly.

"Dude!" Kyle yelled, jumping up in indignation.

"Freddie! What? I'm busy!" Carly said quickly.

"Where's Spencer?" I demanded.

"Here, what's wrong?" Spencer said, walking out of his bedroom.

"My mom." I simply said. His face paled, and he immediately grabbed for his keys.

"C'mon Carly." He said darkly, walking towards the door.

"But—" She protested

"What's going on?" Kyle asked, looking thoroughly confused.

"We're going to the hospital." Spencer said, walking out the door, not looking back.

"But I want to stay here!" Carly yelled to Spencer.

"Fine. Stay here then." I said, slamming the door behind me before she or Kyle could respond.

Spencer and I took the elevator down in silence. To answer his unspoken question, I showed him the text from Jan. My mom and I had set up some code words that she could say in a breath if she didn't want to talk much. Picture Frame is one I never wanted to see. But obviously fate has intervened.

After 10 minutes of fervent driving, both of us arrived and practically ran inside the door. As I waited for the elevator up, I texted Sam and Tiffani, saying Spence and I were at the hospital.

When we both got up to her room, doctors were inside, speaking urgently. I saw Jan walking down the hall. I immediately flagged her down and she quickly walked over.

"Thank god you're here. Who are you?" Jan asked Spencer.

"Spencer Shay ma'am." He responded.

"She wants to see you. She is exhausted." Jan said. I assumed that from the text.

I immediately walked into the room, brushing right past the doctors. My mom's face lit up the moment she saw me. She looks terrible to be honest.

"Mom." I said, as I sat down. The doctors quietly excused themselves.

"Sweetie, the antibiotics aren't working. It's resistant."

_No…_

"So how are you feeling?" I asked. We had rehearsed what to do with this possibility and many others.

"I'm in a lot of pain Freddie." She said, wincing as she spoke.

"What are our options?" I asked. One thing I learned from this process. Always figure out your options quickly.

"Well, there's another drug that has a 20% chance of working, otherwise…" She tailed off.

I sighed, leaning my head back.

"Now 8 months is a luxury we don't have anymore." I said.

"Well, we do if we want to pony up for the drug."

"How much?" I asked. I have a full ride to UW but finances still are vital to how much I do and whether or not we have to move out.

"$5000 for 1 treatments. It takes 3 treatments." Mom replied.

_Oh god. I don't like any of my options._

"What d you want to do?" I asked.

"I'm tired sweetie. I'll keep fighting, but it's your call." She said, eyes closed. We had also discussed this possibility.

"Do you want to keep going? Do you think it will be worth it?" I asked, tears starting to seep out.

Mom sobbed quietly, then quickly recomposed herself. "Um…I am at the point that between pain and no pain, I want no pain." She said.

The reality hit me like a freight train. _No graduation, no grandkids, no college graduation…_

"You sure?" I asked quietly. "I won't fight your decision." I promised, grabbing onto her hand.

"I'm sure Freddie, I'm really sorry."

"Mom, don't say sorry. It's the only time you've ever failed me before." I reassured her.

She simply closed her eyes as tears started to fall.

_It's time for her to rest._

I walked out of the room as my mom called out for her doctor to come in the room.

"What's going on?" Spencer asked, meeting me in the hall.

"She doesn't want to fight anymore." I said. He looked crushed.

"Too much?" He asked, eyes closed.

"In the end, yes." I said.

Both of us went and sat down in the waiting room. After about 5 minutes her doctor came and asked me to come into the hall.

"Your mother just told me what she wanted to do, and that after she saw some close friends she was ready, are you on board with that son?" he asked in a serious tone.

"Yes sir." I said, looking him right in the eyes.

"Ok son, let me know when she's ready and we'll get going." He said, then walked away.

Once I walked back into the waiting room Sam and Tiffani were waiting.

"She's done." I simply said. "She does want to speak to you." I said, motioning to the two of them.

"What about Carly?" Sam asked.

"She said she wanted to stay home." I said darkly. Tiffani got very red in the face.

"But—" Sam began again.

"She made her choice. I told her specifically that she needed to be ready if Mrs. Benson took a turn for the worst. The time came and she wanted to stay with her boyfriend." Spencer said simply, walking towards Mom's room.

After about 20 minutes Spencer emerged, red eyed, motioning for Sam to go talk to her. Again, after about 20 minutes, Sam came out crying, and told Tiffani Mom wanted to speak to her. I had never gotten to introduce the two of them. We came by after eating that night, but she was asleep.

30 minutes later, Tiffani came out. She whispered "What an amazing mom Freddie." Before sobbing again. I started making the longest walk of my life towards that room.

Mom was looking out onto the horizon from her window. I hadn't seen her on her feet in a while, but she was steadying herself against a chair. I grabbed onto her and held on.

"Hey." I said.

"She's a wonderful girl." Mom said. "Why didn't you bring her over?"

"Did you see her wrist?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I have friends with tattoos. It doesn't matter what's on the outside Freddie, it's their character that counts." She said, still looking out the window.

"I thought once you saw her you would flip out." I confessed.

"I kept such a tight reign on you to show you what was right and wrong. I trust that if you deem them to be fine people, I'm fine with them." She said.

"Love you." I said.

"You too." She replied, hugging me tightly.

"You ready?" I asked.

"Yes."

I turned for the doctor to come in. I waved to her and walked out, knowing I couldn't handle the next steps.


	9. Final Verdict

"Now when the line starts moving you don't stop until you reach the ramp!" Mrs. Briggs barked on a microphone as the Senior remembrance video continued over her head. I zoned out for what seemed like the millionth time in the past 2 days.

The eulogies for my mom have been coming in the past couple of days from old flames of hers to best friends to people of power that do it as a publicity stunt. I have personally said thank you to the first two groups, but when I get back home today I plan on writing each one individually expressing my fury that they have the audacity to turn my mother's passing into political capitol. I hate politics and politicians. They are the scum of the earth. All they want is to feed their special interest groups and get reelected. They simply do not care about the voters until election time.

The honor graduates in the front row stand up. I'm graduating Magna Cum Laude and in the second row so I soon rise and start heading towards the ceremony.

With the permission of Principal Franklin I'm wearing a black tie under my robes rather than the standard blue required by the district. The line to get into the arena has slowed to a crawl, and I can hear Principal Franklin begin to address the masses in the stands outside the tunnel.

"Now, without further ado, Ridgeway Senior High School's Class of 2011." He said, as Pomp and Circumstance started up. The line started moving at a fast pace, as if everyone wanted to get this over with. I, on the other hand know that this is the last time all of us will be in the same place together and that I'll never see 90 % of the people ever again.

I calmly walk out the tunnel to the largest crowd of the week. This isn't the most pressure packed walk however, that happened on Thursday. Many of my classmates look like they're about to throw up, which is how I felt on Thursday.

The walk is long, taking a lap around the arena to allow for Family and Friends to get pictures of their graduate no matter if they accidently sat on the wrong side.

"FREDDIE!"

I glance to my left to see Tiffani and Spencer waving, both holding cameras. I smile and they snap off a few photos.

Finally, I reach my seat and after the quick intro by Principal Franklin we all sit. A friend of mine, Travis gives the invocation, then another friend of mine Cameron started on a speech. I have already read it over, he sent it over for my critical eye to make sure he didn't misspell anything. The best part of it is when referencing all of our athletic achievements this year, he invokes Charlie Sheen's "Winning, duh." Line. Sure enough, that brought the house down. Next up is someone I don't know or care about for the class address.

(The previous Thursday)

_Here I am, clad in black, from my loafers to my tie. That's tradition apparently. The remaining members of someone's family wears black at a funeral along with friends that are chosen by the surviving member's closest relative. A medallion of yin and yang that my mom wore right up to when she passed is in my left pocket. God I don't want to do this._

_I'm right on time, I don't want to be here any longer than I have to and Mom understood that. We spoke about that at length when all the planning for this possibility started. She said "I wouldn't want to be there any longer than necessary too sweetie." The audience is already seated except for me and the pastor, who is a college friend of my mom's that flew in for the ceremony. He grabbed my hand and said, "I'm so sorry Freddie, thank you for the opportunity to send her on peacefully." I nodded and started walking into the tent. Everyone rose as I entered. Complete silence, I can hear my right shoe squeak a bit when I walk since they are brand new shoes. Carly is with the general Audience, looking down, the rest of the crowd is facing the aisle looking at me. When I reach the section for family and friends I hug everyone and wait for it to begin._

_Spencer, Sam and Tiffani are all close by. Carly is the only one in with the public. That decision caused for quite an argument._

_(The previous Tuesday)_

"_WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME SIT AWAY FROM YOU? I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND!" She yelled, red in the face._

"_Not in the past year unfortunately." I said, unaffected by her anger._

"_I've been busy and it was senior year!" She snapped._

"_Busier than me? I've had a cancer stricken mother and couldn't do many chores and upkeep around the house. I picked up the slack. She couldn't work as much so I had to do multiple projects just so we could stay where we were. She couldn't do much of her own research about her own treatment! I spent countless nights up all night sometimes just so she could go into her appointments knowing what she wanted to do ! What about the conversations about what to do if she did take a turn FOR THE WORST? How about that? That has to be the worst moment up until this past week of my life Carly. You try talking to Spencer or your father about what to do if she can't speak and wants the pain to stop? And yes, it was senior year. You got a boyfriend, worked and did iCarly. I did everything except the boyfriend. What about all the social opportunities? The parties and football games? WHAT ABOUT PROM? Homecoming even? I was working my ass off just to keep our head above water! Don't you tell me YOU were busy!" I yelled back._

"_You didn't tell me! You didn't tell anyone until she started sliding!"_

"_Why should I? You were "Busy"! Between work, boyfriend and school there wasn't anytime for me!" I shot back._

"_Yeah there was!"_

_Wrong thing to say._

"_Well then, that's a revelation. Nice to know you've been avoiding me." I told her, voicing what I already treated as fact._

"_I haven't been avoiding you!"_

"_Let's see, you haven't responded to a text from me since SEPTEMBER! You started going different routes to class just so you wouldn't see me! Random people have been asking me if we've been fighting! That's why the Creddie stuff has died down. Several Ridgeway students have been blogging about that Carly."_

"_No, that stuff died down because I have been going out with Kyle." She stated._

"_Kyle huh?"_

"_Yeah, Kyle. I LOVE HIM!" She yelled._

_I frowned at the mention of his name._

"_Don't you frown at me Fredward Benson!"_

"_DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME FREDWARD! MOM WAS THE ONLY ONE I LET CALL ME FREDWARD!"_

_She looked like she had been stunned into silence. "You never answered my question. Why am I sitting away from your family?"_

"_Simple, the accumulation of events over the year, plus what just happened."_

_Realization dawned on her face. "Is this about Kyle?"_

"_If it was about Kyle we wouldn't be having this conversation."_

"_Oh, it's about Kyle alright__—__"_

" _YOU DON'T GET IT DO YOU? YOU DUG THIS GRAVE YOURSELF!" I yelled._

"_Don't talk like that please Freddie, it's too soon." She said, looking morose._

" _When I came over on Sunday you and Kyle were "Busy". Spencer and I were headed out the door and you said you wanted to stay here."_

"_I didn't know__—__"_

"_Spencer told me personally that you had discussed that possibility! You CHOSE to play tonsil hockey with your boyfriend."_

"_Tonsil hockey?"_

_I glared at her and groaned audibly._

"_Please answer my question Freddie."_

"_I can't let you sit in the family section because after all that's happened, I don't think my mom would be comfortable with you in that group."_

"_But__—__"_

"_Don't you think about trying to sneak your way in! I will have you arrested and thrown out. How would all those fans react when they see that Carly Shay got arrested and thrown out of my mothers' funeral? I don't want to speak about this anymore. Goodbye." I said, exiting the loft._

_(Back at funeral)_

"_Today, we gather to remember and honor the life of Marissa Ann Benson. She is mother of Fredward Benson."_

_Everyone rose as the casket came in and was laid out. The pastor said a few nice things and then after singing "Amazing Grace" the ceremony was over. I was swamped by people wanting to express their condolences. A eternity passed and finally the line was down to Tiffani. She simply looked at me then threw herself at me for a hug. _

"_Why didn't Carly sit with us?" She whispered in my ear._

_I remembered a conversation I had with Sam and Spencer shortly after my shouting match with Carly._

"_Why did she not go to the hospital?" Sam asked, still stunned._

"_I think it comes down to the fact that you and Freddie haven't had it as well as Carly had things. Both of you know that when something of that magnitude comes around you react. She hasn't, and chose to be with Kyle." Spencer said._

_I whispered in Tiffani's ear. "I didn't think mom would want her to be there."_

(Back to graduation)

Now Principal Franklin is coming to the podium. "Will the class rise please and move their tassels to the left?"

Everyone rose and did as instructed. The crowd cheered as the moment they had been waiting for came. The ushers started filing out the first row and my row soon followed.

From the ramp to go onto the stage the crowd looks tiny. The gathered students are right on top of you though so it evens itself out. Wow, I'm next already.

"Fredward Karl Benson." Principal Franklin said, stepping away from the podium to quickly hug me and hand me my diploma. A enormous cheer rang up as I walked past 2-3 board members, shaking their hands.

Things are pretty quickly paced because just as I sat down, the Cum Laude graduates were about to be called.

"Carlotta Taylor Shay."

She received her diploma as a cheer went up. I politely clapped. But soon things went quiet.

"Yeah Carly!" Rang out. The crowd as a whole laughed.

Kyle. If he tries to speak to me or I see him, I might just deck him in front of everyone.

Next are the regular graduates. You could feel the moment build as the next name was the one every teacher wanted to hear for 4 long arduous years.

"Samantha Jean Puckett." Mrs. Briggs read, smiling. Sam grabbed her diploma and held it high over her head in triumph. The crowd laughed as they applauded.

"SAM!" I yelled, smiling.

She looked at me, laughing and kept going. After a few more people, we all rose for the school song. As the music played, we all swayed with the song, many of us crying, myself included I'm not afraid to mention.

Once the music stopped it became a rush for the exits. After reaching a courtyard outside I talked to Gibby and Wendy, both of whom apologized that they couldn't go to the funeral. I told them I knew they wanted to go, and that's what really matters.

"Freddo!" Spencer yelled a ways away. I walked over to where he, Tiffani, Sam, Carly and Kyle were all gathered.

"Picture time!" He said, as the three of us posed together, Sam between Carly and I. Next, Carly and Kyle took a few photos. Sam and Carly then took a eternity taking serious, then goofy photos.

Kyle and I stood a few feet away. We were separated by less than 2 feet but the icy silence that we held told the story. He found out early on about my feelings for Carly and held a grudge against me ever since.

"I'm very sorry to hear about your mother." He said, actually sounding sad.

"Thank you." I replied, completely disregarding what he said. Carly had probably told him to say something to me and even if she didn't, he probably didn't mean it truly.

I motioned to Tiffani that I wanted to get out of here. She obliged by saying that we had to finish sorting the apartment and that we needed to go.

Out of everything that has gone on today, the easy part is over.


	10. Teetering

Boy, this summer isn't working out. With all the stuff flying around about my mom I completely forgot to say that I'm in Connecticut being a summer employee of ESPN. I applied to a lot of other places, but they said they couldn't justify giving a 18 year old kid just out of high school even though I was up to specs on all of their requirements. I'm 3 hours ahead of Carly so the time we could communicate is very limited. Shockingly, she hasn't contacted me. And yes, I'm being sarcastic. What Spencer said a few weeks ago about the gravity of the moment actually has caused my fury at Carly to subside substantially. I can't say that I love her, but I sure don't hate her. Ironically, that's just what she always wanted. Friends, but looking at things objectively right now that would be taking things to the breaking point.

I would say I'm excited to finally be in summer but I was stressed out before I came up here, then the Washington state government had to make budget cuts. I'll just cut to the chase and say that they cut my full ride to UW because they viewed the scholarship as "unnecessary spending." I'll give them unnecessary spending, how about the senator that used a state plane to fly his mistress places? Idiots. So now I'll be working on projects for the entire year until I can come up with a satisfactory Financial Aid package for my sophomore year.

On a related topic Spencer and Carly's father came by shortly after graduation and the scholarship got cut. In fact, the letter was still in my hand when I opened the door. He expressed his profound sadness about my mother and offered to help any way that he could. I was in the process of saying thank you but he saw the letter from UW, read it over quickly and went on a 5 minute rant about the cuts and what a stupid decision they had made. He then offered to step in and help me pay for school, but I told him that I want to do this my way and not owe anyone anything.

Ironically, the bright spot about the summer is the job. It's a distraction and really fun to apply stuff I learned over the years for fun and doing the show and implementing them for coworkers and shows. They have been moving my shift around a lot, putting me with the morning, then late night, then afternoon, back to nights, morning, nights on and on and on. They say that they've been impressed about my knowledge of how they run things. I can kinda draw experience from the logistical insanity of iCarly last year to the constant shift changes I've been subjected to.

Back on the home front, Tiffani and I cleared all of my mom's stuff out before I went out east. She's currently hanging there waiting for the new semester at UW to start since she followed me there. She's really nervous about her housing situation, but if all else fails she can stay where she's at now.

"Hey Freddie, can you help us out?" Jordyn asked. She's a staff secretary, a huge fan of the show and is crushing on me big time. The first day I was here she introduced herself by crushing herself against me, gushing about how 'The real Freddie Benson' is working with her and ended by sticking her phone number into my hand. Subtlety isn't her thing.

They were trying to take some filing cabinets and maneuver them next to the wall. "Sure, why do they need filing cabinets? Can't they do everything electronically?" I asked.

"Yeah, but the suits upstairs want paper copies of everything." A guy I have never spoken to responded.

We succeeded in positioning the filing cabinets. "And you know what else they want them for…" Jordyn said, giving me and the two other guys a look. I knew what she was talking about, the book that we were forbidden to read or speak about on the campus. It was released a few months ago and some of the stories definitely reflect poorly on some senior members of the company.

"Yeah, do you know if they want me to stick around for the late taping?" I asked, hoping I could just go to the apartment I had for the summer.

"Nope, but you might want to get out of here before they change their mind." One of the guys said. I quickly grabbed my stuff from my desk and was out of there.

As I drove home, I couldn't stop thinking about someone…

_Man, this year was a disaster. Things were going so awesomely until she got a job and started dating Kyle and…urgh. I am across the country and she's all I can think about! Why can't she just leave me alone to pursue someone else! I don't want to be demanding but she's all I want. You give me her, and I'm fine. Forever._

Wow, home already huh? That was fast. I walk to the couch and lay down.

_There are tons of other girls that like me, why is it that Carly is the only one I want? And on top of that, she doesn't want me!_

I flop onto my side, debating my next move. What do I really want to do? Text her, saying hi. But I know that she's either working or with kyle so that isn't a option.

In the end, I settle on my second choice. Getting dinner.


	11. Moving Forward

Well, I finally have a show that I can call my own. Kinda. I talked to my boss, saying that I would prefer a steadier schedule because I didn't have anytime to talk to family and friends. He understood, saying I am a wonderful worker. Then he gave me a HUGE gift. There's a show called SportsNation on ESPN 2. It's a big hit, but for reasons unknown on 2. Big time shows have been trying to nab the hosts, Colin and Michelle away since they're so good. But no dice. They just keep on plugging; making an awesome show that has a loyal following reminiscent of iCarly. Gosh, I can't believe that we ended the show. Part of me still thinks that it's still going on.

Sorry, back to the show. Michelle, the female host is so nice. She was a fan of the show, which surprised me, but that's cool. She is always asking if she can help me and almost always asks me to help her research stuff. I have responded by giving her some AWESOME scoops on stories and crazy stats that have ended up on SportsCenter. Oddly enough, it isn't that hard to get something on there. The meetings are just like the iCarly ones, except more people and larger egos. I was talking to a suit upstairs while I ran some papers up there and he said that he heard a "rumor" I was being considered to make an appearance on SportsCenter. Sweet huh?

One thing I know for sure is that I'm hosting SportsNation today. Yeah, that's right. TODAY. Colin left on vacation and they for reasons unknown chose me to fill in for the entire week. The rehearsals showed me why they gave me this opportunity. I already know how to read a teleprompter, interact well with Michelle, and already know what to do. As I alluded to earlier, iCarly was basically a TV show, but we did things our way. The meetings and prep are the same, just different expectations.

Show starts in a moment, hang on…

"We're live in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!"

_No 1 buddy._

"Hello NATION!" I called out emphatically. "I'm Freddie Benson; that is Michelle, this is SportsNation, the show that loves watching people plank."

And we were off. The first segment went smooth as silk. Then they switched segments during the break. They had a game that made me answer questions about myself. Talk about uncharted territory. I'm not used to being in front of the camera, but talking about myself on camera? Not my cup of tea. I made it through without any gaffes.

The rest of the show flew by. And then I was surprised again. The last segment they brought out a cake, an actual cake to celebrate me hosting a show for the first time. Maybe I should do this for a living. Very fun stuff.

The cast and crew spent about an hour after the show ended celebrating and hanging out. Everyone wanted pictures with me, and I swear people had to PRY Michelle away from me. She was so happy for me and proud of me she could barely breathe.

I got back to my cubicle, yeah I work in a cubicle, don't judge. Sorry, way off topic. Anyway, I got back and I had 18 missed calls and almost as many voicemails and tons of texts from people saying stuff like "OMG your on TV! You should have been hosting iCarly" and "You look great!" Sam and Spencer called. Both said I did awesome, and that they wanted me home so they could throw a party. Can't wait because in 2 weeks, I get to go back for an entire week!

Traffic is light going home, which is rare. One thing I hate about work is the traffic. It is so bad—

"All I want is everything does that make sense? Does that make me high maintenance? I crashed your new Ferrari, baby fix the dents, does that make me high maintenance?"

_Crap, that's Carly's ringtone. What on earth does she want?_

Carly uploaded a new picture to Splashface the other day. It was Carly with her hair curled on on the left half of the picture. Kyle was in the center, with his arms around her. The picture showed up on the updated profile pictures section and the second I saw it I logged off. I had barely seen how happy they were and it disgusted me to the point I couldn't look at it anymore.

I punch the dash for my Bluetooth, accepting the call.

"Freddie?" Carly's voice came out.

"Yeah, this is me. What's up?" I asked.

"Me too!" A male voice in the background said.

_Kyle._

"Hey Kyle, how are you?" I said politely, swallowing my bitter comments and thoughts.

"I'm ok man." He said.

_We aren't friends. Quit being so friendly. I don't want to speak to you._

"Kyle was the one that saw you on TV today." Carly explained.

"Yeah, I love watching the show and much to my surprise you were hosting. Congrats man."

"You did awesome on the parts I watched Freddie, that must have been a lot of fun." Carly chimed in.

_She's grasping at straws trying to mend our friendship. Or whatever the hell what our relationship is._

"Yeah, it was fun." I said flatly, making a sharp right turn.

"Hey Freddie, is Michelle as hot in person as she looks on camera?"

_Chauvinist pig. You don't deserve Carly._

"She's very nice and very pretty." I said, finding a middle ground.

"Have you been to New York City?" Carly asked.

"No, never have time." I answered.

"Why?"

"I need the money to pay for school."

"I thought the state had a scholarship?" Carly asked.

"They did, got cut. Now I'm working." I said flatly.

"Oh." She said simply. "I'm sorry."

"Hmm." I said as a red sports car cut me off.

"Have you seen our profile picture on Splashface?" Kyle interjected.

"As I said earlier, I never have time." I said. I doubt they heard me because they were arguing about who looked cuter in the picture.

"You are!"

"No, you are!" Kyle said, as Carly giggled.

"Can you PLEASE stop it?" I yelled, stopping at a stoplight.

"What?" Carly asked.

"Rubbing your love right in my face! It's annoying and very rude." I said.

"I don't see what you mean—" Kyle started, but I've had more than enough.

"I really don't care Kyle. Goodbye." I disconnected the call.

I can't explain it. It hurts too much. She has finally broken me. She finally had broken me to the point that I can't even look at her picture without swallowing an urge to throw it across the room.

Carly's ringtone rang out. I punched the button to refuse the call. A prompt for voicemail came up. I clicked no.

I don't want to hear it.


	12. Giving Up

Boy, it's good to be back in Seattle. I have to admit though, coming in through Sea-Tac is just plain weird. I'm not used to the drive going home wither, plus rush hour.

I'm at Bushwell now, and I just avoided Lewbert's rant on how lazy I really am and am now in the elevator.

8-D. Man, I missed this place.

"Knock, Knock."

Tiffani opened the door after a moment, looking confused.

"Can I help—FREDDIE!" She yelled, tackling me into a hug.

"Hey girl." I smiled as she clung to me.

"I missed you." She stated, then kissing my cheek.

"I can see that." I laughed. She grabbed my bag and took it inside. The furniture was rearranged to suit Tiffani's eye better, and it looks pretty good. She looks good too—eyes up Freddie.

I shake my head as Tiffani comes back into view. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" She asked.

"Surprise?" I threw out there.

She laughed, then frowned. "I could have gotten you at the airport."

"It's ok Tiffani. I'm here now aren't I?"

"Yeah…"

"I'm going to go give Spencer the scare of his life ok?"

"Sure, you know where I'll be…" She trailed off.

_My bedroom, wait…stop it Freddie! Why are you thinking like this?  
><em> 

_She's freaking gorgeous, that's why._ I answered myself.

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.

_Carly._

That was easy.

"Knock, Knock…" on the Shay's door.

Sam opened the door, wearing a face similar to Tiffani's.

"You're back!" She suddenly yelled, hugging me happily.

"Who are you and what have you done with Sam Puckett?" I joked, causing her to punch my arm. HARD.

"OW!" I yelled. "There she is." I joked again, causing her to smile.

"Here I am, now what are you waiting for? Get in here!" She told me, whacking my butt. I turned to look at her.

"Don't do that." I sternly said. To my surprise, she actually listened.

I turned back around to the familiar sight of the Shay loft, complete with incomplete sculpture by the island.

"You get that much?" I asked Sam, looking towards the kitchen to the sight of Kyle's intimidating figure with his back to me. I guessed Carly was behind him, but I couldn't see her.

She groaned softly. "Yeah." She said, looking unhappy.

I moved to go see what the studio was being put to use as but suddenly Carly dashed right past me. No hello or anything, just bye Carly.

"Nice seeing you." I say sarcastically as Kyle dodged me to chase after her upstairs.

"Hey Sam, my bank account says that I bought $300 worth of Chinese fireworks, and I know I didn't, did—FREDDO!" Spencer yelled, rushing up to me and hugging me.

"You're here!" He yelled happily after he released me.

"I'm here." I smiled.

"Sit down! Make yourself at home!" He said, pulling up a chair. I sat on the couch, and Sam sat next to me.

"So how's everyone's favorite 4 letter network doing?" Spencer asked as Sam went to grab something.

"C-SPAN is doing awesome from what I've been told. Ratings are up a bunch." I said as Sam fell down she was laughing so hard.

Spencer was smiling. "Yeah right. CSPAN could have Megan Fox on and she wouldn't be seen by anyone."

"Maybe she should do that." I joked again, referencing her freak out with the media, ending with her yelling "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Spencer and Sam both laughed.

"Nah, everything is fine at work. The book made everyone nervous, but it's very fun."

"Is it true about the filing cabinets?" Sam asked as Spencer rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, and I think I found one that left its mark." I said, smiling.

"The shot heard round the office?" She asked as Spencer groaned.

"Exactly. It's like they don't allow people to get rid of the evidence. It's like they want to bring their kids and say 'Hey sweetie, that's where you were first thought of.'".

"So other than that how are things?" Spencer jumped in.

"Good, hot and muggy though." I sighed.

"Well get used to our awesome summer because we're partying it up." Sam said.

Something very heavy just scraped across the floor in Carly's bedroom, which is directly over the living room.

"Subtle." I said, causing Spencer and Sam to fall into fits of laughter.

"What's the bet that if I ask her if she heard anything she'll say no?" Spencer said, then laughing again.

"$10 bucks." Sam said in between breaths.

"I'm not taking you up on that." I smiled, and it was returned by both.

"Anyway, back to the party. Is tomorrow night ok?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah, sure." I said. I just remembered something I wanted to say. My stomach instantly tied itself into knots at the thought.

"You ok? You look like you're about to be sick." Sam said, gently putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Uhh, yeah. I want to say something."

"Talk man, what's bugging you." Spencer said, looking worried.

"Carly and Kyle called, and…"

"Did they act all lovey dovey?" Sam interjected. I nodded. Sam let out a howl of frustration.

"You love her! Can't they just tone it down? It's torturing you clearly!" She ranted.

"I don't want her at the party if you don't mind. Either of them."

Spencer's face was a mask. "I understand. It's supposed to be a celebration and if you don't want them there, they won't be there."

"I'm sorry Spence…it just hurts too much, and I'm trying to let her go." I confessed, feeling like I was on the edge of tears.

"Sorry she's done all that to you man, you don't deserve it." He said, patting my back.

The three of us chatted for about an hour longer. The mood got back to a happy level and everyone was laughing, especially when the scraping sound came from upstairs.

"Thanks guys, see you tomorrow." I told them.

Carly POV

I love the Fourth of July weekend. Everyone is all happy and patriotic, it always makes me smile. Freddie should be getting in town in the next couple of days, I need to ask Spencer when he's getting in.

I've been thinking a lot about Freddie recently. He clearly didn't like Kyle and I being so sweet to one another, and I feel kinda bad. He didn't do anything wrong, and I've done a lot more harm than good in the past year so I want to try to kinda fix things, and hopefully—

"Hey kiddo, you awake?" Spencer asked through my closed door.

"Yeah, come in!" I called back. Spencer walked in, wearing a blank look.

"What's up?" I asked, sitting on my bed with my legs crossed.

"Not much, did Kyle leave?" he asked.

"Yeah, he left a couple of hours ago."

"That reminds me, did you hear any scraping sounds? It sounded like it came from up here."

_Oh damn. That was Kyle pinning me against the dresser. I was quiet, but we pushed the dresser against the wall!_

"No, must have been the elevator or something." I quickly lied.

"When's Freddie getting in? His party is in the next couple of days isn't it?" I asked, switching the topic. Suddenly, Spencer went back to looking miserable.

"He came today." Spencer answered.

"WHAT? Why didn't you tell me? I have to go talk to him right now." I said, getting off my bed. Spencer stopped me and sat me back down.

"No, you aren't. Give him some space." He said sternly.

"Why? Why are you acting so…mature?" I asked him.

"If you go and talk to him you won't be doing him any favors. I'm not letting you drag him along like you have been." Spencer said seriously.

"I don't get it." I said. My mind was spinning.

"You and Kyle. You guys are good together. It kills him to see that, and he's trying to get over you. If you truly care about him you'll give him the time and space he needs to recover and get over you little sis."

"But he's my friend."

"You haven't been a good friend Carls. And you know it. The way you acted during school, the events with Mrs. Benson, the phone call 2 weeks ago. You're torturing him. It's worse than anything you can do to him."

"How do you know that I called him?" I asked, perplexed.

"Freddie told me."

My heart sunk. I'm done, and I know it.

I couldn't say anything.

"He's accepting the reality of the situation. He doesn't want you or Kyle at the party Carly." Spencer said, looking miserable but unwavering.

"But—"

"But nothing. You guys will have to find another place to have sex. I know what caused that dresser to move Carly. I may be silly, but I'm not stupid."

"Why doesn't he want me there? It's supposed to be a celebration of his graduation and success working." I asked.

"As I said earlier. He's giving you up Carly. He knows with you there he'll be miserable watching you have fun with another guy. Good night Carly." He said, kissing my head and walking out.

I felt tears spring to my eyes.

_He's giving up on me? I…why? He supposed to love me forever, not give me up when I've found a guy I really want to be with. And why doesn't he want me to be there?_

The tears I've been holding back start falling in waves, and I sob into my pillow.

_Why? Whywhywhyhwywhy WHY? I don't want to lose him, he's important to me._

A brainwave hits me. I have been arguably the worst friend in the history of friends the last year.

_Maybe it's better if he just goes on to live his life._ It's a terrible thought, but it all goes back to what Spencer said.

_He's giving up on me. I'm a lost cause to him._

My heart just broke, and I can't stop crying.

_Freddie Benson is giving up on me._


	13. Respect

Crowd going nuts over the commercial break, classic chants and few obscenities, all typical UW-WSU football classics. I haven't worked a day since my time in Bristol, but now I'm getting paid big time money for a quick appearance.

As it turned out I did make several noteworthy appearances on ESPN shows, to the point that I stopped getting congratulatory calls because it was almost routine. Several morning talk shows offered me jobs, thinking I was a baby faced 22 year old college grad, only to find out I was THAT Freddie Benson, the one that graduated high school 3 months previous. Ending those conversations was really awkward, I'll tell you what. You try explaining to a Forty-something TV executive that you aren't interested in a high paying TV gig because you want to further your education.

"Benson, your on in 3 minutes." A voice said through my earpiece. I got invited to be the featured guest in the prediction segment of the show. The company said they would contact me in February to March if they wanted to offer me a summer position again, but seeing how they invited me here today for the game and on field duties I think they want me back. The call in a couple of months is a mere formality.

The hosts got the live signal and did a quick intro to the segment.

"Now, without further ado, our special guest for Pick 'Em is none other than U-Dub's own Freddie Benson!"

I stepped out to the roar of noise and made my way to the stage. The WSU fans were booing me while the Washington fans started a "Freddie Benson, clap, clap, clapclapclap."

I smiled and sat down in my chair, reveling in the amazing reaction from the audience. The chant was still going strong and I jokingly waved my arms for them to quiet down and amazingly they did. The segment was hilarious, especially when the crowd agreed with me, the cheer was deafening.

Finally, it came down to the game at hand, UW-WSU. The first couple of hosts picked, followed by a guy whop couldn't comment because he was calling the game.

"What about you Freddie?" Brad, the host asked me. The Washington fans screamed behind me.

"Well, I have to say, Washington State has a solid team."

A loud "BOOOOOOO" came from the Washington contingent.

"Hold on now, I have to say with our quarterback…"

A massive roar went up. Our quarterback is supposed to be a high daft pick. We're just praying he stays for one more year since he's a junior.

"We have an advantage. Huskies by two touchdowns." I finished, smiling. Another host, someone with a flair for the theatrical brought out mascot heads for each school, ended up tossing the WSU one into the crowd and picked Washington to win.

Then we signed off and some stage guys came and unplugged me.

"Hey Freddie, do you have a minute?" A voice behind me asked.

"Yeah…just a sec." I said as a guy started wrapping up my mike and I turned around.

_Whoa…is that…oh wow, she's gorgeous._

One of the hosts, Erin was standing in front of me. I was stunned and starstruck. Before you start screaming "Hey, she's just a famous reporter" I want you to remember three things. One, I usually meet people on my own; they almost never come up to me. Two, all of the "famous" people I know are nice people and we usually talk a lot before or after shows. And three, if you see Erin in person, tell me you wouldn't be nervous about the prettiest girl at the network just coming up to you with no notice.

"Oh…hi." I managed to say, hoping I didn't look too nervous.

"You did awesome today, congrats. You want to cover the sidelines with me today?" She asked.

"Sure, have the suits cleared that?" I asked, not wanting to go marching on the field without clearance. Not that Coach or security would care, I usually am down there and both like me.

"Yeah, they just wanted to ask you."

"Awesome, where do I need to go before game time?"

"Press Box. I'll meet you there." She said, waving and walking off.

_This is so AWESOME! I can't believe I am this lucky__—_

"Hey, I forgot, they also wanted me to give you this." Erin walked back, handing me an envelope with the company logo on it.

Looks like I was wrong about having to wait for a phone call. Formal offer right here in my hands. Sweeeet. Looks like it's back to Bristol in the summe— hold up, there an extra piece of—

_You cannot be serious…_

_Freddie, Sorry to ask on such short notice, but do you want to grab dinner on Sunday?-Erin :) _ Below was a phone number.

Looks like I won't be eating with Tiffani tomorrow. That's a whole different kettle of fish.

Turns out, Tiffani never got housing on campus, and I never planned on living at UW so we're sharing the apartment at Bushwell. Things have been pretty good, no massive arguments. She did make things kind of awkward a few weeks ago though.

_(A few weeks previous)_

_I shut the door after another tiring but ultimately good day at the University of Washington._

"_Freddie?" Tiffani's voice asked behind me._

"_Yeah." I turned around to her looking like she was about to cry._

"_What's wrong?" I quickly asked, hugging her._

"_I…don't like you. I like you like a brother but not in a girlfriend kind of way." She said, bursting out into tears._

_What is making her say this? I don't like her that way either, this is weird…_

"_That's ok Tiffani, I don't want that either."_

_She looked shocked, then looked miserable that she had said all that only for me to tell her the feeling was mutual. I'm grateful she did that instead of doing what Carly did, but that was worst case scenario._

A few fours later I walk up to the press box and showed my credentials to prevent getting arrested for trespassing.

Another host from earlier, Kirk came up and congratulated me on everything that I've been up to with the company saying tons of people keep asking about "this Benson kid, he's our next big star!"

"Ready Freddie?" Erin asked behind me. Kirk laughed.

"Yeah, cleaver wordplay." I joked, waving to Kirk as we walked off to field level.

Once we got down there the scene was loud and chaotic. Erin spoke to Coach for a moment on camera then rejoined me in walking to our posts.

As we were walking by the student section they again burst into a chant.

"Get it Benson, clap, clap, clapclapclap."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Sorry about them." I muttered. I had a feeling she was antsy about that since the creepy video about her hotel a few years ago.

To my surprise she laughed and smiled. "No problem, they're college kids, what do you expect?"

"Them to be more mature maybe? Not act like a bunch of frat boys?" I said. I don't like fraternities, way too crazy and party oriented. Not that partying isn't fun or anything.

"Don't worry, you're fine." She said reassuringly, hugging my shoulder and smiling.

As we reached her designated spot to stay during the game I slipped her a piece of paper, saying I accept her dinner request. I quickly walked off so she couldn't respond.

Before I reached my area I saw Jake, the star quarterback just standing on the sideline. I daringly walked over and slapped his should pads, smiling. He smiled and nodded reassuringly.

I thought the time before kickoff was nuts, the first half trumped that by 10 times. Tons of fumbles, touchdowns, referee miscues and coach tirades. I was the opposite, calmly looking on while occasionally informing the guys calling the game what coach was thinking or an injury update.

At halftime Erin and I met up again.

"Having fun?" She asked after she interviewed WSU's coach, who politely blew her off. I was a bit more fortunate with our coach, but he didn't chat long.

"Yeah, this is nuts."

"Nothing extreme, try doing Alabama. That's chaos." She smiled. I shook my head.

"Hey, they want to interview Carly and Sam during the third quarter, you want in on that?" She asked.

"Sure! What am I going to be doing?" I asked.

"It's going to be me interviewing you guys on what you are doing in college basically. Plus people want to see the three most famous college students in America on camera together so…" She trailed off.

"Sure." I responded. She dashed off to someone who I have never seen before.

I took in the scene during halftime until I had to do another quick interview then I went to wait for my interview to take shape.

I had been watching the game, which had devolved into a field position battle when I spotted Sam and Carly being miked up about 20 feet away. They both smiled and waved and I politely waved back.

Then, BAM! Lights, camera, ACTION!"

"Thanks, guys, I'm here with three of America's most famous teenagers, the stars of iCarly. Carly Shay, Sam Puckett and our own Freddie Benson." Erin introduced us.

"How's it going?" She asked.

"Not bad." Sam smiled.

"Good." Carly added.

"Busy." I said, causing Erin to roll her eyes. She proceeded to ask the girls what they were up to and where they were going to school. She then moved to me and asked the same questions but also teasing me a bit. I let her have her fun though.

"So have you guys seen much of each other recently?"

"Nah." Sam said, sounding sad.

"Not really, the last time we really saw each other was graduation." I said.

Erin wrapped up the interview, thanking us. Carly and Sam were quickly whisked away, much to Carly's dislike. She tried to talk to me but I ignored her and walked with Erin back towards the sidelines.

"You're done reporting I'm afraid. You can hang down here or go meet up with your friends." She told me.

Suddenly, Washington scored a clutch touchdown and Jake starred on the drive, bailing us out multiple times. After the extra point he came up and ruffled my hair.

"Having fun?" He yelled.

"You know it!" I told him smiling.

"Cool, see ya man." He said, clapping me on the shoulder and running back towards the bench.

Erin seemed shocked. "You know him? Like you're friends with him?"

"Yeah." I simply said, smiling that he thought enough of me to do that.

"Man, you are so lucky." She mused.

_In a weird way, I am really lucky._


	14. Plugging back in

"So, the main elements of encapsulating an audience…." Mr. Hudson said as I lost all interest in what he was saying. I already know how to get an audience to pay attention, that's why I have the highest grade in this auditorium sir. One frustrating thing about already working at a big TV company. You know everything you're supposed to learn in college.

Suddenly I hear the door open behind me and the sound of people stepping inside. I don't turn around. Someone made that mistake in our very first class, and he hit him with pudding, right in his face in front of everyone. You simply don't give a guest your attention unless told to.

"Now, we've already partnered you up with someone from our good friends at Washington State—"

The entire room let out a groan. We would rather work alone than with someone from…there. We simply get along like cats and dogs.

"I don't care how much you groan, you've already been partitioned and the results are posted online." He said as the class bent down to retrieve their laptops out of our bags. As I opened mine I saw a man in a dress shirt, pants and blazer greet Mr. Hudson warmly.

I logged onto the College of Liberal Arts (I know, sounds so weak) and accessed the class site. Sure enough, there is a list for a project on "The effects of laughter on a foreign audience".

I start scanning the names. No Benson, no Benson, wait….hold the phone.

Benson, F→ Shay, C

I know a Shay, C. She goes to Washington State. How could I forget her? Taking advantage of Mr. Hudson's conversation I glance back to see my greatest hope and biggest nightmare all packaged into one realized.

She's just…there. It's hard to explain. Among her classmates, blending into the rest of the students. It's weird, she's never blended in before. Maybe it's because I know it's her despite the fact I can't see her face behind her laptop screen. Maybe it's her being in such a foreign environment.

I turn around quickly, seeing a familiar look flash by, one that I know she's found what she was looking for. Probably the link or the website. I Zaplook the iCarly fan site to utilize their resources since they have spent thousands of hours dissecting what made iCarly so great. They even did webcasts themselves on why the partnership of Carly and Sam cannot be duplicated or replicated and why my camerawork was the most unappreciated part of the show.

The students in the back are starting to search around for their partners. I remain firmly entrenched in my seat, knowing that if she wants to see me, she knows where I'm at.

"Carly's friendly, bubbly demeanor combined with the combative and abrasive Sam combined to create a dynamic that the two constantly played off and created many one liners, jokes and skits about. See Cam for more details."

Ugh, Cam. Reminds me of all the crazy ship warring fans did when things were still going strong. Nothing made my stomach sink faster than to see our own fans fighting over what made the show work so well or whether I should get with Sam or Carly. I'm pretty sure someone dissected every second of every show, all 251 of them. (A/N: I'm saying that the show went on for 5 years and missed only one)

I'm engrossed in someone's lengthy blog post on why Melanie sparked the Cam creation. Makes no sense because the show was already going for months when a subtle scent flooded my senses. Bluebonnets and Shampoo, not too overdone, just right.

"Hi." A familiar voice said to my right. I move only my eyes to the source of the sound to find Carly sitting next to me, looking nervous.

"Hey Carls, how's it going?" I asked, sitting back in my chair.

"I'm ok, how are you?" She is sitting on the edge of her seat.

"I'm about the same." I responded, turning back to my laptop.

"So…we're partners huh?" I threw out after a moment of silence when Carly set up her own laptop.

"Yeah, unless there's another Benson in here, but I don't think so." She emitted a small laugh but quickly covered it up.

We both were silent except for our clicking away at our laptops, searching for topics for the project. Well, that's what I was doing. I'm not sure about her, she has a stubborn procrastination gene sometimes.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Carly said, breaking the silence.

"Probably not." I said. I was thinking about people could dedicate themselves to our show and we never even met them.

"iCarly." She said. I turned to look at her fully for the first time.

"Explain please." I asked, and she continued.

"The show was funny, why don't we play off of that?"

"Not bad, but it's just us. There isn't a person on earth that can duplicate what Sam did. Or who she is." Carly just smiled deviously.

"Maybe there is…" She was furiously typing into her phone. A moment later she looked up at me and smiled.

I settled back into my chair. I stand by my proclamation about Sam. She is a Blonde headed demon that gave the show a different dynamic. Even big time TV shows are trying to replicate it, and all have failed. It is like the stars aligned for the show to be what it was.

"So how was your Christmas?" I asked.

"Good, got to go home and relax for a few days. It was a welcome break." She smiled. "What about you?"

"Work." I sighed. I didn't like it, but I got the money for second semester plus the fact that I really didn't want to go home to Tiffani, where things have slowly deteriorated to the point that we rarely speak to one another anymore. I just didn't want to be there either.

"How's that going?" She asked, worry edging into her voice,

"Ok, just behind the scenes stuff." I said, dejected. It's kinda like being in coach your entire life, being upgraded to first class for a time then being sent right back to coach. All you want is to back in first class.

"Is it fun?" She asked, trying to create a conversation.

"The editing is, but the producing is a lot more stressful." I sighed, evidenced by the gray hair I found on my pillow a few nights ago.

"Expectations?"

"Exactly. Enough about me, are you still working?" I asked Carly.

"Yeah, Spencer is paying for school so I am just doing it for spending money."

"Where at?"

"Steak place."

"Is it better pay?" I asked.

"A little, more time off and less stressful."

"Ok, meet back here on Thursday and we'll continue on this project." The Washington State professor said, dismissing us.

Carly turned to me. "Groovy Smoothie?"


	15. Redemption

The steady melody of rain made my focus that much sharper, recalling the last few months full of memories and why I was here today.

Flashes of the presentation Carly and I gave flashed thru my mind. A minute or two of clips, followed by Carly or me elaborating on how it affected the audience.

It also reminded me of the conversation we had about a text she sent before I saw her and we got partnered up.

(A/N: The text is first, then the conversation in italics.)

Freddie, remember when I said I'd talk to you? Well, it had to wait. I have been doing a lot of thinking about you and me, and how us fits in with me and Kyle. I know that this might not be a good time, but it needs to be cleared up. Back when you assigned me away from Spencer and you and we had that argument, I was furious. I thought you still wanted to tell me you loved me, and that wouldn't have been a good time. I'm not mad, not anymore. I have come to the conclusion that we really can't be friends. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. I love Kyle. And he's the only person in the world that I want to have feelings for me as well. You're a good guy Freddie, and I know you always had good intentions but us being friends now wouldn't be fair to me or Kyle. Sorry.

"_Why did you send that out? I was a wreck for days! I just drifted, not knowing what to say or think!" I asked Carly, standing awkwardly in the middle of the studio._

"_I know! I just…I talked to Spencer and he said basically that I've done enough damage to you and should leave you alone." She responded, looking on the edge of tears._

"_And when has Spencer ever given good advice when it comes to love?" I asked her._

"_Never." She said quietly._

"_Exactly, now did you mean what you said or not?" I asked._

"_I didn't, I just…was doing what Spencer said."_

"_It doesn't matter what Spencer said! You need to start thinking for yourself. You're not going to get in trouble!"_

_She sobbed, and I pulled her into my arms._

"_Why did you say want?" I asked, vocalizing an internal question I had been trying to answer myself._

"_What?" was her response._

"_You said that you only wanted Kyle to have feelings for you. Why did you say want?"_

"_I…" _

"_It makes it sound like you don't want my love." I bluntly said, crossing my arms._

"_I do…but as a friend. I only want Kyle to think about me intimately."_

_I sighed and ran my fingers thru my hair. I was expecting something like that and I got it._

"_Ok, I'll see you later."_

The memory of that, plus the text almost causes me to throw my phone a mile every time I think about it. What kind of girl says that they don't WANT your love? It's one thing not to love someone back, but to not want it is downright cruel. I have been making a scrapbook about life in college, and I wrote down that text, knowing it will someday be only a memory.

I realize I was spinning my phone absentmindedly while immersed in my heartbreak. I scroll through my contacts and stop upon a number.

_Should I call?_

I have been tweeting her over the last few weeks. Catching up, and eventually I got her number back. She said she wanted to meet up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, how's it going?" I asked.

"Good! You called! I was worried you weren't going to!" She said happily.

I laughed. "Of course I was going to call."

"Well good."

"Hey, you want to meet me down at the Groovy Smoothie?"

"Sure! Let me get my stuff and I'll be right down!"

"See you then."

"See ya!"

I disconnected the call, a smile spreading on my face. One girl shouldn't make a guy this happy. Especially when I haven't seen her in a while. I flag down T-Bo and order two Strawberry Splats so when she gets here we don't have to wait.

As if on cue, she walks right in the door just after T-Bo gave me the smoothies.

_As gorgeous as ever…_

She is scanning the room, evidently not seeing me. I smile inwardly, knowing she has bypassed the guy near the window that happens to be me. Eventually she walks up to the counter and asks T-Bo something. After a moment he points in this direction and she turns, and then quickly walked over.

The entire time I'm pretending to look out the window occasionally sipping my smoothie.

Suddenly her hand softly scratched the top of my head and I resist laughing.

_Only she would do that…_

I turn to see Shelby smiling at me with her hand on my shoulder. I hop up and engulf her in a hug.

"Hey girl, how are you?"

"I'm awesome, how are you?" She said happily while releasing me and sitting down.

"I'm good. So what have you been up to?" I asked.

"Not much, just taking a break from the CFC and going to school."

"Really? Where?" 

"University of Washington."

"No way! Me too!" I replied as she sipped her smoothie.

"What college are you in?" She asked excitedly.

"Liberal Arts. What about you?"

"Business."

I smirked. "You're one of _those_ kids."

She laughed. "Yeah, I guess I am.

"So you quit the CFC?"

"Yeah, had to give up the belt and everything." She frowned. "Some 28 year old Russian claimed it."

"Is she any good?" I asked.

"She's terrible, but that's compared to me." We both laughed.

"Is anyone good compared to you?"

"No, not really." She smiled.

We both went quiet, sipping on our smoothies. As the rain continued to fall outside I pondered how lucky I really was. Spencer, Mom, all of my friend, now Shelby walking back into my life of her own volition. Amazing.

I finished my smoothie and threw it away. "Hey, you sure you'll be ok in this rain?" I asked, worried she didn't have a ride.

"Yeah, I'll just call a cab and—"

"I can take you home if you want." I interrupted. As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted them.

_Definitely too pushy. Nice job Fredward._

However, her face lit up and she said "Really? That would be awesome!"

I just kind of sat there; dumbfounded that she didn't run out screaming. She actually wanted to let me take her home.

"You sure? You can take a cab if you want, I didn't mean to—" I rambled, and Shelby put her index finger on my lips.

"Shhh. You're fine Freddie."

I just kept looking down, feeling how soft her finger was. I swear I went cross-eyed.

"Uh…sure. I can go whenever you're ready." I managed to get out, leaning back and trying to regain my focus. She smiled at me.

"Same old Freddie…"

We waited a few more minutes then I went to get my car in the parking garage that had been built next to the store to accommodate the large groups of people that loved their Groovy Smoothies.

I pulled out front and popped my umbrella, giving it to Shelby once I got to the door. She squealed and ran off; leaving me unprotected the 20 feet to the curb, where my car was.

"Shelby!" I yelled out, dashing towards the driver's side and quickly getting in.

She simply laughed as I pulled up to a stoplight.

I looked over to see Carly and Kyle, standing under an umbrella as well. Carly, the girl that was supposed to meet me at the Groovy Smoothie a solid hour before I called Shelby. I waited, and you know the rest of the story. Now I am extremely grateful I called Shelby and bailed before they got there. I probably would have bought a smoothie for Carly, only to see she had brought Kyle along.

The weird thing is, they are just standing there, talking. They have the walk signal, but they aren't moving. If I rolled down my window I could touch Kyle's arm. They're that close. I settle on waving at Carly, who looked surprised I was right there, and moved to say hi. The light flashed green, and I had to move, leaving her in the dust. Or rain, whatever floats your boat.

Shelby directed me past the university, across Lake Washington and into Bellevue where she lived, which is a nice place with a great view across the lake.

"I love your view." I gestured, to the sight of Husky Stadium's outline visible through the rain.

She laughed. "I do too."

Suddenly she stood beside me. "Thanks for taking me home."

"Anytime, I don't mind."

"That was fun, we should do it again." She smiled at me.

"Just let me know and I'll stop by." I smiled back.

She laughed. "You're so corny."

"Hey, I'm just talking the opportunity given to me." I defended myself.

"You make it sound like that will be the last time I'll see you." Shelby stated.

"Well, I don't know when I'll see you next."

She hugged me softly. "How about tomorrow?"

"Better yet, dinner." I smiled. She returned it.

"That sounds like fun."


	16. The rest of my life

I tightened my tie and looked in the mirror one last time before meeting the crowd inside. Taking a deep breath to calm myself one thought goes thru my mind.

_I'm getting married. Wow._

My hands are shaking as I smile at the assembled guests inside the church. Sam and Spencer, both ecstatic to be here. Due to a crazy FAA mishap they nearly missed it, but Sam pulled a few strings now that she owns her own clothing business and made things work.

I almost ask Spencer for tips on how to calm down before getting married since he's now married. Man, seems like so long ago, standing next to him almost 6 years ago.

That was before I graduated from UW. Before Sam got her business and Spencer became the most famous artist in American history. Before a ton of seismic events in world history.

It's amazing how, no matter what's going on behind me, love always finds a way. 3 attempted assassination of presidents, a big war, lots of Washington D.C hatred and yet nothing much has changed with me except for age and salary.

I need that salary with the unexpected news that I'm going to be a godfather to Sam's first child. She married some guy from Europe and they are always at some important function. The poor kid isn't going to know what hit him when he finds his playroom to be tech filled and lots of fun. Needless to say his mother won't have much of a say in my gifts to the little guy or girl. Don't know which first.

You might be wondering why I haven't mentioned someone important. My magnetic north. Carly. There's a story behind that.

I haven't spoken to her in 5 long years. Shocking, I know. When Shelby and I got serious she displayed some displeasure towards me, and after a serious discussion I told her that I had found someone who loved me and would never leave me. It's not my fault Kyle got busted cheating on her; after all he's a basketball player! Girls are all over jocks. Add in the fact he's not the brightest bulb in the box and boom! One broken hearted girl famous for her web show 2 years after it ended.

It sounds bad, but the part of my heart that was ripped apart by her manipulative ways, and that's what they were looking back, is cold and ruthless. The part I used walking away from her that night 5 years ago. The part I have to use when firing someone.

I don't like it, but she helped me grow. I learned that, with few exceptions Women are deceiving and clever string pullers. Their hair, their make up, their short skirts. Makes me SICK. My fiancé doesn't do that. She kicks ass in the octagon every couple of months.

I shake my head and get Carly out of my mind. Funny how things looked like Carly was going to own the world, and now Sam's a famous designer. I don't know what Carly's up to, and I don't really have a interest to find out.

The crowd rises as "Here comes the bride" starts playing. My mind is wiped clear by the sight of Shelby walking towards me, looking at me. Me. I'm getting married to Shelby Marx.

How did I get here?

She smiled the entire time the preacher spoke. She spoke when she needed to, but otherwise just smiled.

The preacher shuts his book abruptly.

_Time to enjoy the rest of my life…_

"You may now kiss the bride…"


End file.
